I want to believe
Throughout my life (about 3-4 years) I have debated about the existence of GOD (people always seem to raise an eyebrow if GOD and believing are used in the same sentence). I journeyed from being an agnostic, an atheist to an existentialist. As my blogs indicate... I look at life as a meaningless flow of events that stretches from birth to the inevitable decomposition of the human body (yes... and also our conscience/soul whatever you are comfortable with). However, everytime I am in some problem or want something really bad... I look up to God for help. I know its pathetic (where the fuck is the loyalty?... I guess I am a business major afterall). I asked God to get me into the Business School... I did; I asked God to get me a well paying job.... I did; I asked God to get me a caring girlfriend/wife... he didn't (j/k.... I meant I didn't........... or should I use the word HE instead of I everywhere?).
After everytime I get something I begin thinking... was it Him (or Her to all the feminist out there) that did it or was it my hard work (as you can see I think highly of myself). My whole view is that regardless of GOD or meaningless existence (should I write that in bold too?), I hate religion. I have always seen the darkside of any religion (fights, terrorism, reason to be good). My debate lies whether HE exists. It is hard for me to grasp the concept of nonliving atoms coming together to form a living being with consciousness and the ability to think and reason. Yet everyday I find it hard to find any reason/purpose with my life. Many have told me that you have to define your purpose and make something out of yourself (makes me sound lazy doesnt it?), however my argument is that even if I do all that... whats the point? of anything we do or say when in the longterm we will all be forgotten. Our body... our life... our day to day activities.... our friends/family.... OUR EXISTENCE will all be forgotten eventually. Billions or years from now even if we exist (if we surprise ourselves by not killing each other) no one is going to remember about George Washington more than a page they read in the history book. Higher probability we will all die (I like to believe that we will hopefully... a big hopefully... learn to be civilized and not kill each other but we will be hit by a comet) and thats it. GOD forbid (how easily i rely on him) we are the only planet with life... in due time, life will stop existing. so what then? are we nothing more than a small probability that accidentally came about to create life?
Gettin back to GOD, I think I believe in something superior, someone that gives me hope, something that designed all this. But I am not sure what? who? and if he even helps me.. I guess when I am being tortured in hell, I will think of this blog and kick myself for not writing a blog about how i love HIM.
- Neo
(P.S. God please dont be mad.. I am still a child, I will grow up one day)
After everytime I get something I begin thinking... was it Him (or Her to all the feminist out there) that did it or was it my hard work (as you can see I think highly of myself). My whole view is that regardless of GOD or meaningless existence (should I write that in bold too?), I hate religion. I have always seen the darkside of any religion (fights, terrorism, reason to be good). My debate lies whether HE exists. It is hard for me to grasp the concept of nonliving atoms coming together to form a living being with consciousness and the ability to think and reason. Yet everyday I find it hard to find any reason/purpose with my life. Many have told me that you have to define your purpose and make something out of yourself (makes me sound lazy doesnt it?), however my argument is that even if I do all that... whats the point? of anything we do or say when in the longterm we will all be forgotten. Our body... our life... our day to day activities.... our friends/family.... OUR EXISTENCE will all be forgotten eventually. Billions or years from now even if we exist (if we surprise ourselves by not killing each other) no one is going to remember about George Washington more than a page they read in the history book. Higher probability we will all die (I like to believe that we will hopefully... a big hopefully... learn to be civilized and not kill each other but we will be hit by a comet) and thats it. GOD forbid (how easily i rely on him) we are the only planet with life... in due time, life will stop existing. so what then? are we nothing more than a small probability that accidentally came about to create life?
Gettin back to GOD, I think I believe in something superior, someone that gives me hope, something that designed all this. But I am not sure what? who? and if he even helps me.. I guess when I am being tortured in hell, I will think of this blog and kick myself for not writing a blog about how i love HIM.
- Neo
(P.S. God please dont be mad.. I am still a child, I will grow up one day)
posted by Neo at 5:52 PM
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