Saturday, October 15, 2005

What is the rush about?

I have lately come to see that I (and most others that I know) are rushing to get something. Some are rushing for the more dummer things in life: money. Many I know are working/ running around looking for that perfect job that will pay them lots of money. They can buy their Gucci shoes, Prada belt and many other metrosexually explicit items. So it seems that we are running around just to have the power to trade.... trade money for some product or service (its even worse when people give up opportunities of love for thier "career" and than end up lonely in some brothel.... where the girl who also gave up on "love" is doing this so that she can have enough money to "get" by hard life).
Some are running around to achieve something (which is a little more respectable I guess). Whether this be fame or power (I think these general categories sum all the rest) they spend their whole life looking for it. My problem lies in this... are we ever satisfied? Can you truly recall of a time where you felt that this was it... I dont want anything else in life. Nothing can make me happier than I am at this moment... Have you? I dont think I have (and I will be damned if Im the only one that hasnt experienced this internal/mental nirvana). So if we can never have enough... than why rush around life getting anything? In the end even if we get the fame, power, money (with the hooker), there is still something we will want to have after that because as humans we cant be easily satisfied (with the word "easy" being an understatment).

All I am saying is that if we cant find true happiness (if such a thing even exists..... plus even if it did I dont want to say I have achieved "true happiness" cause it makes me sound like a sissy) than why not just enjoy the moment and let things fall into place. Of course I am not promoting people to be hippies (sorry guys) because I do believe that you learn a lot about ur self while on the quest to get what u want. But overall I think people need to calm down.... sit... relax and enjoy the moment because after all this moment that just passed is never coming back... in this universe or a parallel universe (imagine you just wasted this moment reading a random kid's blog about his silly view on life.... maybe your images in parallel universes aren't soo stupid... are they?)

To stop my babbling... I will just say that enjoy the moment..... and be content.

- Neo

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Dog Without a Home..... or Existence

I am Indian by decent. India is my home country and nothing can take its place. Dont get me wrong... America is great n all, but it is not home. The poverty, corruption, population... I LOVE IT ALL. Few months back... I became an American citizen. I officially gave my "Indian" identity, however, I am still a brown kid with a dorky accent (imagine a younger Apu... sadly my dad owns a gas station too). I had to apply for a visa to go back home. So now i realize that I am no longer "Indian" but I still dont feel "American" in my heart. So what am I?

I value my Indian culture and traditions. However, when I went back home... I saw an India that was different to me. McDonalds and Pizza Hut were the new popular spots. Local eating places had to be "westernized" inorder to stay in business. My cousins n friends only talked English and half the channels on TV showed Friends, Seinfield, American movies and MTV. Skyscrapers everywhere. The home that I had held soo dearly wasn't the same anymore... and it seemed that besides me no one else seemed to hold on to the past. Sure it was great to talk to friends about the "good ol' days" (the time when we used to steal mangoes from the neighbor's trees, or throw water balloons at people or sing and mimic bollywood movies), however.. no one wanted to relive those times. Moreover, American culture is too liberalized for me... which brings me back to my original question.. Who am I? Geographically and Culturally?

In a world of changing times (dominated by lust: rich wanting to become richer and everyone wanting more powerful) can one really hold on to anything from childhood to death? Family changes and evolves, people change, culture changes, society changes, geography changes... everything changes... everything races to decay into nothingness. So in our race to inevitable decay (atleast of the human body to all u spiritual freaks out there), what can we hold on to stabilize our life. Every moment can be lived to the fullest but knowing that there is no way to relieve that again how can you not be sad and let it get to u. Are we supposed to experience each moment with a smile and a tear rolling down at the same time? The fundamental question still remains... Who are we? Am I indian? American? Do I have a culture that someone besides me follows?... I hate being scientific about it... but the only thing that binds us together is the fact that we are nothing more than "homo sapiens".... a scientific name that groups like animals with similar features.

- Neo

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Infatuation at First Site: The FUCK UP!

So.. I finally go back to my beloved waitress at the restaurant to ask her out.

The Set UP: I took a shower with the best body wash I had... I took out a brand new shirt (although my friends seem to think it looked like a pajama) and prepped myself in front of the mirror. We got to the restaurant... she was assisting other customers. I prayed that she would be my hostess... I even calculated some quick probabilities in my head to figure out the probability she would be my host (given that God may not exist... I didnt want to rely too strongly on him). My hopes were high... but due to poor math skills ( n and angry God for questioning his existence).. we got some other waitress. Maybe cursing too much in my mind was shaping my karma for the fuck up which was about to follow.

The FUCK UP: I see "M"... I gather my courage n wave at her. She smiles n comes to our table.
After the usual formalities.. she asked ".. So when is your birthday "... I say (looking at the glass of water like an idiot) "some time next week or the week after".

Analysis: "some time next week or the week after".... WTF! I am certainly not stupid and I know how to count or mention a date. I could have lied.. given my real b'day.... why the fuck did I say "some time next week or the week after". I certainly wasnt trying to be cool... I certainly blew the chance of being normal... not to mention appearing as a cocky fuck. As you can guess.. I didnt ask her out... n dont see a possible way to ever do it now. I am long past the embarrassment stage.. I just dont think my "probability" is strong enough anymore (not to say that it was b4.... I had a calculated a probability of her saying "YES" to fall between anywhere from a 0.0% to 0.35%).

Solution: Go there on my b'day.. n try it all over again. However as I plan my next "move" (yes... I hope to learn some new "game" by then")... I recall words from a famous artist "i blew it and if i knew what to do, then i'd do it . . . and forever for her is over for me". However, in my book.. all hope is not lost until there is a def. "no" from her.

- Neo